So, you met Nude Elvis and your life has never been the same?

Of course it hasn’t. Once a man in gold lamé underwear locks eyes with you and karate-poses in your general direction, the universe simply rearranges its molecules. Your old priorities—career, family, cholesterol levels—instantly evaporate, replaced by a glowing, irrational need to understand why he smelled faintly of coconut lotion, percaset and destiny. There is a solution.